don't u think it's time to grow up?

FOR THE TWO PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY HAD A THING FOR EACH OTHER!!!!

GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GIVE MY EARS SOME BREAK!!! GEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

ok venting out session is over now... time to go backt o real life...

Filosofi Kopi + Mendung

Hari yang mendung dan kelabu, hujan mengguyur membuat orang-orang basah kuyup bagai kucing yang kejebur....

kupikir akan jadi hari yang gak enak, bagai kopi yang di campur dengan air tuak

memang ada rasa tegang kayak pertama kalinya kerja magang

terlalu banyak pertanyaan tapi memang tidak bisa di ungkapkan

terlalu banyak kekesalan tapi memang lebih baik tidak di bahas

dua sisi yang sama tetapi berbeda, berbeda tapi sama.. koq aneh?

kalo satu bilang salah yang satu bilang benar, tapi siapa yang benar siapa yang salah

rasanya Tuhan tidak terlalu perduli.. hanya beda prinsip dan sama sama keras kepala...

kesal jelas... ingin banting handphone tapi sayang.. jadi kubiarkan kepala ini rasanya melayang

yah kupikir hari ini akan jadi hari yang buruk.. yah apa boleh buat memang jadi hari yang kayak beruk..

pasti gareng dan semar akan geleng-geleng melihat mukaku yang tertekuk bersaing dengan petruk

memang jadi hari buruk.. Petruk pun akan setuju, walaupun harus ku bawa-bawa dalam curhatanku yang gak jelas

yang sok menjaga ritme kayak puisi gak berkelas..

Agaknya Tuhan pun gerah ngeliat aku ngedumel gak karuan dan berkata

"Nih! baca buruan!"

serasa melemparkan buku ke jidatku yang sebenarnya harus ku bayar di Toko gunung agung..

rugi bandar kupikir.. memang kadang aku ini kikir

tapi ternyata hidup memang harus menampar diriku lagi... membuatku tersenyum geli dan menghela napas..

ada tertulis

Kopi yang anda minum hari ini:

'Kopi Tiwus'

artinya:

walau tak ada yang sempurna,

hidup ini indah begini adanya.

filosopi kopi dan pelajaran hidup paling murah yang pernah kubayar
karya Dewi Lestari a.k.a Dee

paling tidak lebih murah dari pada buku tentang samurai jepang yang hampir ku beli...

thank you Dee, thank you God..

dan buat orang yang sangat spesial.. kita berdua memang gak bakalan ngerti prinsip masing-masing.. dan pastinya akan tetap sama-sama nekat dengan tuntutan-tuntutan kita yang gila, juga lelucon-lelucon yang gak penting.

tapi lo musti tau kalau semua yang kita alami gak bakalan tergantikan oleh 20.000 perak atau milyar baik rupiah atau pun dollar amerika

lo tetep sahabat gue yang lebih hebat daripada gatot kaca blasteran sun go kong..

dan pastinya gak ada orang lain lagi yang gue harapkan selain lo untuk adu urat sampai kita keriput dan ompong

yah tentunya.. selain istri gue... yang belum ketemu sampe sekarang..

real life incoherent reflection

There are so many things i would have like to post in this thing, at the same time, what's the point anymore.. things has passed things will come passing by...

each day we experience something new, and more often than we like, we just doing the same stuff on a different day.. it feels like there is something you can change but u don't..

everyday, i asked myself, is there anything that i could have done better.. it seems the answer always points to yes... and actually.. i have to admit there are a lot of things that i could have done better..

regret is not really the point i suppose, to actually decide to do better or just merely different on some similar situation is hard enough.. and always by the end of the day could i have done things differently?

more regrets..
we are a creature of habit and most of the time i have to say i indulge my bad habit more and more.. why? because it is easy.. for i know that to do better is a harder path.. for all i know i am landed with few responsibilities that i would like to get out from and yes i am finding a way to get out of it as often as i can.. but i do not really solve my problem.. and more and more days of guilt and regret piling up.. and the crazy thing is, it made me want to avoid it even more.. and then in itself.. i formed myself to use as tiny excuse possible to escape my responsibilities.. there you go.. one bad habit is formed..

right now i feel like a broken power window that stuck in the middle, can;t go up, and can't go down.. wish life is as easy as it is. or it actually is, either u go up, or you go down.. when u stuck in the middle it usually is broken.. or its there on purpose well must be caused by a reason...

too bad... it always more complicated.... people called me i'm too paranoid, and i should have leave it all to the almighty.. i wish i could do just that.. i guess i;m just a control freak who need to have everything under his finger or going his way.. praying or no praying.. but just to be on the safe side.. grant me strength to make me go further and escape my weaknesses... grant patience to make me able to realize that everything needs time, and grant wisdom so i can weight every side and make the best of the situation.. the last thing.. guide me so i will not stray away far from You..

on the other side.. fix me when i;m stuck in the middle and broke down like my power window this morning... amen

I am who I am.. I just have to be better... damn it why it's so freaking hard.... then again.. when was the last time life wasn't hard anyway..... sometimes i would just like to give real life a kick in the gut... for throwing bricks at me...

by Rudolph a friend at one nite in gelato bar

Harga Diri VS Horny

You have a high standard.
Sadly, you find that the stock of male (or female if you insist!) around here is somewhat ‘going to the dogs’ as the British would say it.

And so you join us.
We who think that as premium products (of course!), we deserve the same.
And thus, we are also – Singles without prospect.

And you’re thinking …
‘i’m very horny, and not getting any… should I lower my standards?’
And there you go ladies and gentlemen, the first steps towards whoring yourselves!
Steps that I have taken myself.

As my dear friend Mia would describe it, you can divide your price range from 1 to 5. 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest. Safe pricing would be 2-3, and Premium would be 4-5. And whichever range you wish to play in is up to you, as long as you can back it up.

She would say : each field comes with its pros and cons, your choice. Mana-mana aja. Asal jangan main di lima aja bo! Sadar diri dikit…
(She was talking about business, but who cares! i say it's relevant!)

Of course all this is not that simple. We are trapped between our wish to find someone that is just right for us, and our desire to just find someone. Between the fear of not finding the right one and the fear of not finding any at all!

So, would you sacrifice quality for quantity ?
Or would you stand being alone and risk finding no one ever? Rather than trying with someone that doesn’t meet up to your high standard?

Another friend of mine – Olive , who suck at driving, laughed when I asked her that.
‘Harga Diri and Horny? Which is more superficial?’ she said.

And I guess that kinda answer it all. They are both superficial.
Finding a mate by filtering them through some made-up standard won’t get you the ‘right one’, it will only get you the one you logically think is best. Logic ain’t gonna make you warm at night.

On the other hand, if you’d go with just anyone willing so you don’t end up horny, you might as well work hard, get rich, and buy clean and premium prostitutes.
Cause boyfriends are not just something to keep around to fight loneliness. You buy dolls for that. Or Dildos.

So what?
I’d say : forget the standards but don’t be a cheap slut, do what your heart tells you, and buy a dildo just in case you get too horny– one night stands might not sound as nice after a venereal disease.

And don’t be afraid to be lonely. That’s just life. :)
Besides, you ain’t gonna be lonely if you have a friend like me.

Trust me. I'll call you every night and force you to listen to my woes for hours on end. If you hang up on me, i'l come to your house.

...

the little man's reality check

I have been seeing the world with both eyes doing good but was not able to truly appreciate it's beauty until I have to see it with a limited vision.

the biggest sin a man can make is to take things for granted...

when he feels that the world owes him a living while actually the world owes him nothing since It is there first..

and the problem with him is; he actually waiting for something to happen or someone to make it happen, then bitching about his life so miserable and how everyone else seems to be moving on the higher place.

Little that he knows that life does not owe him anything, as well as everybody else..

Little man, little man, you should have been wiser than that..

little man, little man, you should have been smarter than that..

little man, little man, go and pick yourselves up

go on and catch that big tide of wisdom

because the first thing to stop being little is to THINK BIG...

When life hits you with a brick # 1

If anyone wondering, how's my start of the new year going..

first day of work after being struck down by cold right in the middle of counting cash flow that almost drove me nuts...

the highlights:

"oh george, i think it is better you hear it from me than from someone else"

"do you remember my old choir friend, yushien"

"we sort of got together on new year's eve"

"I do"

"for a few months now"

I suppose that broke me down to pieces, I always thought I was ready for such news.. coming from her, the gurl that always make me can't differentiate between night and day..
there is no such thing of ever being ready...

I can't stop shaking, sadness, anger, jealousy... I am only human... don't get me wrong.. I love her, and I want her to be happy.. she is happy now, and I am happy for her.. it is just I don't think I am happy for me..

I am still shaking now, all the short conversation flashing back, I can't even close my eyes without feeling my heart beating faster, hand shaking.. and all the damned flash backs...

I am scared, I am afraid that I would become what I used to be, I want to believe in love, but now I am losing my faith again, maybe it is not for me.. maybe I would never find someone that is just for me.. It is pathetic.... I know but I am afraid that I will become cold again.. I am afraid I will build that wall again..

Please.... I need help.... I need hope.... somebody.....
please help me......

oh God grant me strength to deal with my troubles
grant me courage to face them
grant me patience so I do not act rashly
grant me wisdom so I can act wisely
and grant me peace so I do not begrudged them..

this is the moment of truth...

I think it is just God's way telling me to move on, it sure has His sense of humor and irony..

wish He doesn't have to throw that brick so damned hard.. but then again.. if He does not, I do not think I will get the message...

so hows my new year so far? fcuk that.. I still can't stop shaking..

a good year?

In Random

Stressing over work

being ignored

still having that feeling

keep on dreaming

Reccuring Insomnia attacks

One best friend wedding

make some stupid mistake

met a crush

got rejected and toyed around

getting drunk

organize people to get drunk

hug a friend

Being Hugged by a friend

staying up all nite

got some ass

Smoked Sisha

give up on giving up smoking

chasing shadows

heart mending

Got Broken again

one bestman speech delivered

get a smile on a friend's place

made smiled by friends

Yelling at stupidity

get frustrated

Got projects

Lose some sleep

start tennis

learn how to golf

got sunburned

get a massage

addicted to reflexiology

missed a deadline

kissed some asses

kicked some asses

and the list go on...

one thing that counts...

I have my friends to go through it all with me..

failures happened, lesson learned, success achieved, and go home to toast with the dearly beloved..

a good year? as always!!!!