There are so many things i would have like to post in this thing, at the same time, what's the point anymore.. things has passed things will come passing by...
each day we experience something new, and more often than we like, we just doing the same stuff on a different day.. it feels like there is something you can change but u don't..
everyday, i asked myself, is there anything that i could have done better.. it seems the answer always points to yes... and actually.. i have to admit there are a lot of things that i could have done better..
regret is not really the point i suppose, to actually decide to do better or just merely different on some similar situation is hard enough.. and always by the end of the day could i have done things differently?
more regrets..
we are a creature of habit and most of the time i have to say i indulge my bad habit more and more.. why? because it is easy.. for i know that to do better is a harder path.. for all i know i am landed with few responsibilities that i would like to get out from and yes i am finding a way to get out of it as often as i can.. but i do not really solve my problem.. and more and more days of guilt and regret piling up.. and the crazy thing is, it made me want to avoid it even more.. and then in itself.. i formed myself to use as tiny excuse possible to escape my responsibilities.. there you go.. one bad habit is formed..
right now i feel like a broken power window that stuck in the middle, can;t go up, and can't go down.. wish life is as easy as it is. or it actually is, either u go up, or you go down.. when u stuck in the middle it usually is broken.. or its there on purpose well must be caused by a reason...
too bad... it always more complicated.... people called me i'm too paranoid, and i should have leave it all to the almighty.. i wish i could do just that.. i guess i;m just a control freak who need to have everything under his finger or going his way.. praying or no praying.. but just to be on the safe side.. grant me strength to make me go further and escape my weaknesses... grant patience to make me able to realize that everything needs time, and grant wisdom so i can weight every side and make the best of the situation.. the last thing.. guide me so i will not stray away far from You..
on the other side.. fix me when i;m stuck in the middle and broke down like my power window this morning... amen
I am who I am.. I just have to be better... damn it why it's so freaking hard.... then again.. when was the last time life wasn't hard anyway..... sometimes i would just like to give real life a kick in the gut... for throwing bricks at me...
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