hoping, is it ok?

Is it okay to hope?

I have been telling people to never stop hoping for something better...

and I wonder if I ever hope for anything..

Maybe I never did..

Knowing when you hope so much that it will hurt as much as well..

Should I feel lucky or unlucky?

Everybody seems to think I am a great person.. and wish me well in life..

the one thing I always heard from people is that whoever I ended up with will be very lucky indeed..

I doubt that...

How could someone can be very lucky to be with a guy like me who cares too much about too many people.. she won't be in my first priority list.. because I expect her to understand.. but experience tells me.... understanding is not a concept that woman is built in with nor any man if I come to think about it, therefore it is virtually impossible to actually find someone who will feel lucky standing besides me..

I know for once how hard it is to deal with your problems while nobody try to hold their hands and whispering "get up, don't give up" in your ears.. for it seems with that knowledge that go out there to do such to those who share the same fate as I did but so they will not experience what I feel.. to be feeling utterly alone..

The obligation to have to start things new, knowing maybe the same thing will happen again.. I am tired.. In the end everyone lives for himself.. there is no point of trying to be the martyr.. yet I can not help myself.. It is my curse and my gift to care.. and yet.. I can not care too much for I do not know if I can survive another disappointment or be one..

so I always wonder..

Is it okay to hope....